


Crazy Random Happenstance (or How To Catch An Evil Supervillain)

by linvro21



Series: Supervillain!Verse [6]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Crack, F/M, Light BDSM, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 02:57:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linvro21/pseuds/linvro21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dr. MC comes back to town, craziness, randomness and happenstances ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Random Happenstance (or How To Catch An Evil Supervillain)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashtraythief](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/gifts).



> Thanks to kjanddean for providing the awesome new art for ashtraythief's birthday. It's somewhere in the fic. Go, fetch!
> 
> Thanks to viviansface and ferrous_wheeler for betaing.
> 
> Thanks to dephigravity for drawing super cute superheros for the j2_crack community and letting me use them.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK.”

A loud noise sounds through the bedroom. Enormous spotlights instantly turn the room into a too brightly lit space. Jared squeezes his sleepy eyes shut tight, and covers his ears with his hands.

When he opens his eyes a little, he sees the noise is being produced by a minion that's repeatedly crushed in a small contraption.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK.”

Jensen's still not moving in the top bunk.

“Jensen... Jensen, wake up! Turn it off!”

Jared kicks the underside of Jensen's mattress.

He lowers his sleepy head to look upside down at Jared, and finally seems to realize what the fuss is all about. He scurries out of the bed and through the room to silence the alarm.

Jared notices Jensen looks very delectable in his evil black pajamas with little white skulls.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEE-...”

The little minion is left panting and there's an unhealthy shade of green to his normal yellow color.

A screen lowers from the ceiling, and thankfully the lights dim too.

“All right. I'm here, I'm here,” Jensen says in a throaty voice.

An extremely cute girl with red hair appears on the screen, looking very angry and menacing.

“What the fuck took you so long, Ackles?”

“Danni. What's so important that you have to wake me up in the middle of the night for an emergency evil conference call?” Jensen asks.

Jared thinks he sounds mighty sexy and evil.

“Because of fucking Dr. MC. He has been sighted.”

“Can we be sure it's him?”

“I sure as hell am. That fucker is going the fuck down, if it's the last fucking thing I'm fucking doing,” Danni states in her lovely girly voice, showing cute dimples and a frown.

“Why would he risk showing up here ever again? We foiled his attempt to uncover my secret evil plan for world domination last time,” Jensen says.

“Fuck, you're fucking right. But fuck, if it isn't in his fucking nature to keep fucking trying. We have to fucking do him in for good this fucking time,” she says grimly.

“Jensen, maybe I can be of help?” Jared asks as he steps closer to Jensen.

“Who the fuck is that sexy fucking giant?” Danni exclaims as she watches Jared, waving her tiny fists angrily at him as she licks her lips.

“Danni, meet Jared, my assistant.”

She nods curtly, gives him a wink and lowers her fists somewhat.

“Jared, this is Danni Dazzler, my friend and fellow Super. You've heard what's up?”

“Yes, I heard the evil Dr. MC is back in town.”

“Right then. Danni, meet us here in the morning. Let's make an evil plan to catch this evil supervillain and shut him down for good.”

 

The next morning, Jared is having breakfast in Jensen's living room. He's eating enormous amounts of pancakes shaped like various kinds of evil weaponry, when someone in a super-costume comes down the stairs.

“Good morning,” the superman says.

Jared is amazed and then scared and then astoundingly alert. He picks up his knife and fork and lunges at the intruder.

“Whoa, Jared,” the superman calls out as he evades the cutlery. “It's me, Jensen.”

Jared scrambles up from the floor to have a closer look. He still keeps his fork and knife pointed at him, just in case.

“Jensen? Is that really you? Why are you wearing a costume?”

“I want to be ready for when Dr. MC attacks, obviously.”

Jared studies Jensen's costume more closely. It essentially is a spandex, rainbow colored jumpsuit; mostly blue, with multi-colored sleeves and trouser legs. It's tightly formed around his biceps, muscular chest and his...

“Oh my,” Jared thinks.

Jensen takes off his gold sparkly mask.

“I _am_ a supervillain, Jared,” Jensen says in his _important_ voice. “We wear costumes so we won't be recognized.”

“I know, but why _this_ costume? It's appealing, but not exactly, ehm, supervillainy. No offense.”

Jensen seems to get a little self-conscious when he looks down at his costume and fumbles with his rainbow belt buckle.

“My Mom made it. OK?”

“Oh, ehm, and she did a nice job with it too. The color brings out your eyes.”

Jensen's cheeks color a bit at that remark.

“Actually, I asked my mom to make you one as well,” Jensen says as he hands Jared the big bag he's carrying. “Open it.”

“Why would I need a costume? I am not a super anything.”

“Yes you are. You're my super-assistant.”

“Cool! Oh wow. Thanks, Jensen. This is great! We could be a team. We should totally have a name. Twice As Evil, or the Color Guard, or... we could be J Squared!”

“No, we couldn't, Jared. My supername is Jackles and you will be Jay, my sidekick. Now please change into your suit,” Jensen says decidedly.

“It's red. My favorite color. And a star shaped belt buckle. We have matching stars. And I have a cape! Awesome! Does this mean I can fly now?”

Jared starts taking off his clothes and putting on his new supersuit.

Jensen totally doesn't take a peek at Jared's ass, and he sighs and walks to the closet.

“Are you coming?”

[ ](http://dephigravity.livejournal.com/85767.html)

In the laboratory, Jensen proposes to do some quick research before Danni comes over. Jared is totally on board with that.

Jensen changes into his white leather lab coat. Jared starts to take off his super-assistant costume.

“Ehm, Jared?”

“Yeah?” Jared asks.

“You could, ehm, leave your suit on for now.”

“I could?” Jared says. He hopes the disappointment in his voice is not too obvious.

“Yeah,” Jensen says in a gravelly voice, “I like how it looks on you.”

Jared's heart jumps at that.

“And I have a very fitting contraption in mind for today's research.”

Several moments later, Jared is suspended in a harness – face down – and swinging on chains from the ceiling.

“I feel like a real flying super-assistant now. Thanks, Jensen.”

“This experiment will show the struggle of good against bad, superhero against supervillain; the eternal battle in the pursuit of world domination.”

“Oh, OK, Jensen, that seems like important stuff.”

“You'll play the superhero part, I - of course - am the supervillain. For this experiment you will not be gagged. The dialogue adds to the experience.”

Jensen walks evilly towards Jared and raises his hand to Jared's face.

“It looks like I have you at-”

“Wait!” Jared exclaims.

“What?” Jensen asks.

“I need a safe-word. My safe-word is still 'lollipop'.”

“OK.”

Jensen resumes his evil glare towards Jared.

“It looks like I have you at a disadvantage, Jay.”

“Yes, evil Jackles, I'm totally at your mercy. Please don't let me suffer too much, and make it quick.”

“Oh no, Jay, I plan on taking my time with you.”

Jared whimpers in his suit, a bulge growing prominently in the red spandex.

Jensen takes a firm grip on Jared's chin and kisses him forcefully.

“You're just going to have to hang around and take it.”

He then walks around the contraption and pulls Jared's dick out. Who knew supersuits had such convenient access points?

“And now, worthy non-evil adversary of mine, I will-”

Ding! Dong!  
The doorbell rings. Bad timing. Shit.

“I'll be back,” Jensen says as he strokes Jared's cheek, and he walks to the tube.

 

Jared can do nothing but wait until Jensen gets back. He looks around and sees that Jensen has lined up some toys on the evil table. He's very much looking forward to resuming the experiment.

Then he hears some faded noises coming from the top level of the laboratory; it sounds like Jensen's sliding down a rope. That's new, but it's a very fitting approach for an evil supervillain.

Suddenly, he feels a mouth closing around his dick.

“Oh, my evil supervillain, back so soon. You're a stealthy dominator.”

“Hmmm, hmmmm.”

“I'll never reveal my secrets to you, not even if you keep up this torture for a very, very, very long time.”

“Hmmmmm, hmhhmmmh.”

“Even though it feels excruciating, I know I'll be able to be strong and-”

Two people come swishing down the tube to the lab. The mouth abruptly lets go of his dick. Bad timing, yet again. Shit.

Jensen and a super-girl walk towards Jared, as he's swaying softly in the chains. He's frantically thinking about how Jensen pulled that trick off, when Jensen addresses the girl.

“We were just getting started with this experiment. As you are also dressed in your supersuit, you could assist us. It will be interesting to record the different reactions. Would you like to help?”

The girl is wearing a mostly orange costume, consisting of a short, wide, flowy dress with lots of bows and ribbons. Her red hair is tied back with a ribbon.

[ ](http://dephigravity.livejournal.com/85767.html)

“I'm goddamn sure I want to help. Fuck yes,” she says as she eyes Jared front to back.

Jensen walks up to Jared and reaches out for his dangling dick.

“How did this get so wet?” he asks.

“Didn't you just...? Then who was...? Hey!”

“Do you mean someone was just here?” Jensen asks, clearly worried. “It must be... Dr. MC!”

He hits the nearby alarm button and all hell breaks loose again.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK.”

“Danni, look after Jared! I'll instruct the minions to look for Dr. MC!” Jensen yells as he runs off.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK.”

This time Jared can see at least five minions being squished in the alarm-machines. In the far distance, he thinks he can hear a telephone ring.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEEEEEEAK.”

“Oh man, this sucks,” Jared says.

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK, SQUEEEE-...”

 

Jensen finally turns off the alarm.

When Jared looks back to Danni, she's gone. Then the suction on his dick is resumed.

“Is it you, Dazzler?”

“Hmmhmm.”

“Ehm, I don't think this is exactly what Jensen meant by looking after me.”

“Hmmm?”

“Lollipop! Lollipop!”

“What the fuck do you think I'm doing over here with my tongue?”

 

“Danni!” Jensen calls.

“Fuck. Yes?”

“I thought I told you to look after Jared.”

“I fucking did.”

“Then why were you nuzzling and licking my crotch in the closet just now?”

“I was here the whole fucking time.”

“Then who was...? Why are you tied up, Danni?'

Dazzler looks at her hands, they are tied with rope behind her back.

“Fuck! I must have been distracted or something,” she says with a blush.

“Here, let me untie you,” Jensen says.

 

At that moment, a disco song bursts out of the speaker system.

_Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk._

Dr. MC comes walking down the metal stairs, swaying to the beat and singing along. He's accompanied by two dozen or so of his brown fluffy minions.

[ ](http://dephigravity.livejournal.com/85767.html)

_And now it's all right, it's O.K._  
And you may look the other way.

At least ten minions make a run for Jensen.

“Prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt, prrrrrrt,” they call out.

Jensen shouts: “Dazzler, save us!” as Dr. MC keeps on singing and dancing badly while showing off a big evil grin.

Jared is very curious to finally see what her powers are. He can see her concentrating...

_You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feel the city breakin'_

Suddenly, all the lights in the lab start to flicker in different colors. The floor lights up in colored squares as well.

_And ev'rybody shakin'  
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive._

The minions are temporarily confused by the lights, and Jensen heroically tries to fight them off. Several brown fluffy minions fly around the lab, but eventually he loses the fight and is tied up as well.

_Ah, ha, ha, ha,_  
Stayin' alive.  
Stayin' alive.  
Ah, ha, ha, ha,  
Stayin' alive. 

The music stops abruptly. The eerie silence is only broken by the hard maniacal laughter of Dr. MC.

“Muahahahahahha. Nice trick Dazzler, turning the audio vibrations into energy and light, that just so happens to convey a trippy look reminiscent of a club’s dance floor. But to no avail! My minions seem to have overpowered you.”

 

“Squeak, squeaK, squeAK, squEAK, sqUEAK, sQUEAK, SQUEAK.”

A growing noise echoes through the lab. Suddenly an army of yellow minions – Jensen's minions – come filing in.

“Go my little yellow minions. Get them!” Jensen yells.

“SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK.”

“Yeah, fuck them up good,” Dazzler shouts.

“What are you waiting for?” Dr. MC asks his furry brown minions. “Go get their little, yellow asses!”

“PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT, PRRRRT.”

The yellow and brown minions clash somewhere in the middle of the laboratory. They grab hold of each other and the brown ones start tearing the little blue pants off of the yellow ones. It isn't a pretty sight.

Then new noises come from the group of minions.

“Prrrrrrt, ah, squeak, oh, prrrrrrrrrrrrt, aaah, squeeeeeak, oooh.”

'That doesn't sound like fighting', Jared thinks.

“No, fucking stop! Not that kind of fucking!” Dazzler yells.

“Not _in_ their little yellow asses, you morons!” Dr. MC shouts.

But it's too late. A peanut butter colored orgy is taking place and no one can stop them.

Jared's heart sinks. The minions can't save them now. He looks at Jensen. Their eyes lock in desperation.

 

“AAAHHHH AHIYAAHIYAAHIYA AHHHHHHaaaaaow.” A Tarzan-like cry sounds through the lab.

Something gray and dotted flies by on a rope.

It lands on a platform, just above Dr. MC. _It_ appears to be a _she_. A superwoman with gray hair and a polka dotted spandex suit. Jared closes his eyes, because it's not a pretty sight at all.

“Mother?” Jensen asks.

“Yes, dear boy, I'm here to rescue all of you!”

“But how did you know we were in danger?”

“I called earlier and you didn't pick up. You always pick up when I call, because that's the good son you are. Did you have breakfast today my dear? You look a little pale.”

She's squeezing her eyes to slits as she attempts to get a better look at Jensen. She proceeds to look for her glasses that are actually perched up in her gray hair.

This presents the perfect opportunity for Dr. MC to overpower her – it's no contest really – and in a matter of seconds she's tied up with the rest of them.

Meanwhile, the minions are still going at it.

 

“Now,” Dr. MC says evilly to Jensen. “I will torture your sexy super-assistant here, until you give up your secret plans for world domination. Then _I_ will dominate the world instead! Muahahahahahhahahahha.”

“No, not Jared. Take me instead,” Jensen says bravely.

Dr. MC blatantly ignores Jensen's remark.

“I wonder what this contraption will do,” Dr. MC says as he walks over to the Orgasm Sucker (read [A Good Surprise](http://linvro21.livejournal.com/11694.html)).

Regretfully, Jensen has modified the machine to run on electricity instead of minion power.

Dr. MC briefly turns on the device, while he holds a hose in his hand.

“Ah, it's a suction machine. I know just what to do with that.”

He takes the hose over to Jared and slides it over Jared's dangling dick.

“No!” Jensen yells.

“Then tell me all your secrets immediately,” Dr. MC says. “No? OK, then.”

And he turns the lever to the first setting.

"Mmmmmmmmmmm,” Jared moans and he feels his face coloring red. His whole body shakes while he keeps looking Jensen in the eyes. His back arches up as much as the harness will allow him. He thrusts his pelvis down in the air, chasing after the hose that encloses his cock. It really sucks.

“That was interesting,” Dr. MC says.

“This time I will set it higher, five seems like the way to go.”

“Please, don't. You'll kill him!” Jensen pleads.

 

“MMMMMMMMMMAAAAHHH,” Jared moans again and again.

“No one can save you now,” Dr. MC exclaims.

'Dr. MC is right. There's no one left to save them. It really, really sucks,' Jared thinks.

During his fourth orgasm, Jared has an epiphany and he calls out in desperation: “Fifi!”

“What? Did you just call Jackles Fifi? That's a strange pet name!” Dr. MC says.

With renewed hope and his last energy, Jared whistles.

“FUUUIIIIIIIIIIIT! FIFI! HERE BOY!”

A big ball of fur, wearing a black mask and cape, comes storming down the stairs, hurls himself at Dr. MC, flies through the air and... misses.

“What is this? A superdog?!?” Dr. MC exclaims.

[ ](http://kjanddean.livejournal.com/)

The dog hits Jared instead. He starts swinging violently in his harness and knocks the table with the toys over.

Jensen gets hold of the nipple clamps and manages to cut the rope around his wrists. He quickly shuts the sucking machine down just before the fifth and deadly orgasm strikes Jared.

“Oh no, why did you have to do that? It was just getting good,” Dr. MC says disappointed.

Jensen ties Dr. MC up with the pink fur padded cuffs, then he unties everybody else and lets Jared down. Jared leans heavily on Jensen.

“What's all this about?” Jensen asks him as he points to the dog that's happily licking all the come off of Jared's dick and suit.

“I trained Fifi here to be a superdog. He's not graduated yet. It was supposed to be a surprise,” Jared pouts.

“Well, the surprise part worked out OK,” Jensen says with a smile.

With his last strength Jared pets his superdog.

“Good boy,” he says, “but this day still really, really sucked.”

And with that, the day ends with laughter from them all, except for Dr. MC who is looking like a sourpuss. And except for the minions, who are sleeping off their orgasmic bliss.


End file.
